“Never talk back to a teacher
whose eyes are twitching.”
— Andrew, age 9
“Never trust a dog to watch your food.”
— Patrick, age 10
“When your dad is mad and asks you ‘Do I look stupid?’ don't answer.”
— Heather, age 16
“Never try to baptize a cat.”
— Laura, age 13
Murphy's Law states that if anything can go wrong it will, and has been “found to be just as immutable as anything postulated by Newton and Einstein,” according to Geoff Clark at Australian Plants Online. The following are some of
MURPHY'S LAWS OF GARDENING
Noah's Hypothesis: The planting of a new garden will be followed by a flood, unless there is a drought.
The Phantom Breeze Enigma: If spraying is carried out in calm conditions, weed killer will be blown towards the shrubs, but insecticide will be blown into your face.
Young Helpers Axiom: Nice plants are easier to pull out than weeds.
The Jacaranda Principle: If anything goes wrong in the garden, it goes wrong with your favorite plant.
The Catastrophe Theory: Cats find newly planted seed beds superior to kitty litter.
The Canine Corollary: Dogs find lovely plants superior to lamp posts.
Weed Axiom: Weeds can never be eradicated, only changed in form.
Clarke's Law: The heaviest frost of the winter will occur on the first night that you forget to cover a tender plant.
The Shrivel Principle: When you forget to water your plants, there will be a heat wave.
Pest Principles:
- All pests prefer desirable plants to weeds.
- For every pest you can see, there are a hundred you can't.
- If the bugs don't get it, the fungus will.
NANCY NON SEQUITUR
“Half as many workers are staying home nowadays from Volkswagen factories in Germany, reports Car and Driver Magazine, since the company started sending get-well cards. The cards are hand-delivered to the home of every employee that calls in sick. Ailing workers who aren't home to receive the cards are interviewed when they return to their posts.”
NANCY NON SEQUITUR REDUX
Winston Churchill once attended a party with the Methodist bishop of Melbourne, the foremost prohibitionist of his day. A waitress offered Churchill a drink, which he gratefully accepted. Not knowing who he was, she then offered one to the bishop. “I would sooner commit adultery than touch a drink,” the bishop responded. Churchill put his drink back down on the tray and said to the waitress, “I didn't know there was a choice.”
SILENT SPRING REVISITED,
OR DO THINK TWICE, IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT:
Another new jump rope song, from Lynda Barry:
“Dear little froggy!
What's the matter, dear?
With two heads you look so queer.
One back leg and seventeen eyes.
Was it the pesticide we sprayed
on the flies?”
Dr. Chlorophyll knows everything and has been known to comment on matters horticultural.
INQUIRIES SHOULD BE SENT TO:
Dr. Chlorophyll
Berkeley Horticultural Nursery
1310 McGee Avenue, Berkeley CA 94703
drchlo@berkeleyhort.com
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